To accept or to push – what is the limit?

“If I return to Europe I’ll be bored sick straight away,” she said. “Here I am fighting for a revolution, for freedom, equality. I can die and know that I’ve lived.”

Kimberley Taylor, foot soldier for YPJ, Northern Syria

I am, a big believer of using challenges to engage my will power.  But as I sat at home today on a rather snowy spring day, the following question arose in me in contemplation – at what point do I stop pushing and accept the reality of my life or situation (or both).

Very early on in my life, I came to the conclusion on how I didn’t want my life to look – estranged from others, struggling with money – leading a quiet life of desperation.  It took awhile to realize with all of the energy focused on what I didn’t want, I was neglecting the opposite possibility; how I did want my life to look?

So about 12 years ago I began to make radical changes in my way of being in the world.  I stopped lying to myself and made  difficult decisions that had an impact on the lives of people I loved.  If a challenged brought fear up in me, I moved into the fear  to break the “old beliefs” that had been apart of my psyche.  Like a pendulum, swinging from one extreme to another, I wanted to find the equilibrium that would bring balance to my life.

So as the snow falls, I can feel that I’m still in motion; swinging with life’s ebb and flow.  Wondering:

Do I keep pushing for the change I want to see?


Do I accept what is there and stop the swing?

Watching the flakes whirl about as if possessed by some devilish dance.  I can’t help but imagine that I too am whirling through space looking for what it means to be alive.  What is the edge I must walk to feel life, yet at the same time, be able to accept what lies before me.  A place where I know that I can see both possibilities – to stop the swing or to push forward.

Gladly, this is a choice that I can make and not a choice made for me.  For some of us, we are whirled about not by choice, but rather by the actions of others. There is nothing to contemplate.

Can I accept that?


The Story of My Life : The Observer

An opportunity has come my way in the form of a new business venture.  I’ve been hired to deconstruct a long time concept and build it into something new and dynamic.  But being a start-up, we lack cash flow.  My current pay barely covers my monthly expenses.  Not an ideal situation for someone with money issues.

In the past, living this vicariously close to the edge would have driven me nuts.  My old belief, that I’m not capable with money, would be activated and directing me in my decisions-making patterns – e.g. no money, when do I cut bait?

But I want to deconstruct my beliefs, so in this instance, this means being more of an observer (vs. a reactionary).  Instead of me running my system on stress and anxiety, I’m actively stopping to question where I’m at.  I observe my reactions from a different place.  For example:

Old: I’m  frustrated       New: What are my alternatives?

Old: Money is tight       New: what comes alive in me?

Old: The glass is half empty        New: what if the glass is half full?

I observe how I experience me.  I listen to my instincts (which engages my will), then I take action – my actions.  No more doubting, reacting or being a victim of circumstance.  The deconstruction has begun.

How much this new venture will grow (financially) still remains to be seen.  It takes time to rebuild a business.  But if my ability to stop and re-write my inner narrative (about me and my process) is any indication of things to come.  Then my future definitely looks bright.

The stories of my life

It’s fathers day and we are all wounded…Leonard Cohen

What are the stories you believe to be the narrative of your life?  Was have these stories done for you?

I have worked on this theme for some time now.  I have come to learn that often, what we think, directs our life outcomes in ways that are actually counter-productive to our betterment.  Our lives are never as full or as satisfying as we think they should be.  Our gifts, for the most part, are under utilized or simply ignored.

Knowing this, I began to give my life a thorough clutter clearing.  The quest being – how do I re-write the narrative of my life?  What old skin do I shed, in order to reveal a life richer in meaning and more congruent in action?

So what are my stories?  I’ll just start with one story that has stayed with me all my life.  Ready…here it is:

I will never have enough money (aka. I will always struggle with money)

Since my earliest memory, money has been a struggle.  Whether representing the dysfunctional relationship of my parents (their constant struggle over money) to my early relationship with debt which would eventually lead to bankruptcy.  So much of my energy and time has been consumed by my old belief system on money.

Well it’s time time to re-write the story of my life.  Its time to change my beliefs.

Today’s Thought

We are so used to seeing our grocery store and department stores filled to capacity. Anything and everything we want, there for our choosing.

So what happens when we no longer have access to the “niceties” we have so grown accustomed too?

Can you live smaller?

What is the balance that finds an equilibrium between want and need?

I have already begun to look at my life this way. To see what I can let go of and to appreciate more what is truly valuable (think experiences; not stuff).

I see a change coming. A change that put’s to question how we “measure” our lives and more directly, what is our (you and I) purpose?

We need to think beyond our own existence.   We need to think bigger.

Fear and loathing in the USA


I was recently pointed to an article in the New Yorker called “Doomsday Prep for the Super Rich”.  The article talks about how Silicon Valley executives and their colleagues on Wall Street have been quietly preparing for an array of potential apocalyptic events. So when the SHTF, they’re bailing out!

There are over 7 billion people in the world.  Most of which do not have the resources to “escape” . Yet, our media outlets and so-called leaders (politicians and corporate), the ones who are pandering this fear, are making plans without the rest of us.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I for one will be looking at ways to work with others in harms way should mother nature decide to shake off her human parasites or North Korea’s delusional regime push the nuclear holocaust button.

To grab my shit and run is not an options.

We will need thoughtful and courageous leaders to guide us through difficult times. We, collectively, can work towards a better world for mankind; to bridge our differences and keep our species from some future calamity.

But it helps to know we all have skin in the game.  That just because you have the financial bandwidth, doesn’t mean you have a guaranteed way out.  That is a cowards game where nobody wins.

I notice how strong my reactions was to this article.  I hope you will find a piece of you that lights up when you read the article.  Let us put our money and resources toward the betterment of our collective species.

This way, no one gets left behind.